S3 Ep 119: Rachel Menge | Why Making Mom Friends Feels So Hard – and How to Actually Do It

Why Mom Friendships Are Harder Than You Think—And What to Do About It

If you’ve ever found yourself standing awkwardly at a toddler music class, wondering if anyone else feels this lonely—it’s not just you. Making friends as a mom is wildly different than any other phase of life. The old social cues don’t always work, your confidence is a little shaky, and you’re just so tired.

In this episode of The Mama Making Podcast, host Jessica Lamb chats with Rachel Menge, LCSW, a perinatal therapist and founder of Mind Made Well Counseling, to break down the real reasons why friendship in motherhood feels so complicated—and how to start rebuilding your community one low-pressure moment at a time.

The Expectation vs. Reality of “Mom Friends”

We’ve all seen the pictures: a group of moms pushing strollers in perfect formation, laughing over lattes at the park. That’s the expectation.

The reality? For most new moms, early motherhood is isolating. You lose friendships you thought would last forever. Your brain is foggy. You feel weird in your own skin. And finding someone new to sit with at story time feels like middle school cafeteria all over again.

“There’s this belief that mom friendships should happen naturally,” Rachel explains. “But most of us lose friends after baby—whether due to schedules, shifting priorities, or just growing apart.”

Why Is It So Hard to Make Friends Now?

Friendships are systems—when you change, they change. That might mean your best friend doesn’t quite understand you anymore. Or that you no longer feel at home in your old group chat.

And when you’re trying to make new friends, you’re likely navigating:

• A massive shift in identity

• Postpartum anxiety or depression

• Time constraints and unpredictability

• The mental load of keeping tiny humans alive

• Fear of rejection or feeling “too much” or “not enough”

“Your whole system shifts,” Rachel says. “And for moms especially, we’re often waiting for the other person to make the first move. But the truth is, they’re probably waiting too.”

Therapist-Approved Strategies for Finding Your People

So what do you do when you’re craving connection but stuck in the awkwardness of starting over? Rachel offers practical, gentle strategies you can actually use:

1. Find a Regular Space—and Keep Going

Choose a mom-friendly spot that feels manageable. Maybe it’s story time at the library or a weekly music class. Go at the same time each week. Smile. Say hello. Ask about someone’s weekend.

Keep showing up.

“You don’t need to ask for a number on day one,” Rachel says. “Just let things build gradually. Familiarity breeds connection.”

2. Be the First to Make the Move

We all fear rejection. But if no one initiates, nothing happens. Invite someone to sit with you. Offer to share snacks. Ask about their stroller. Small, low-risk interactions go a long way.

3. Create the Space You’re Craving

Host a casual playdate, even if just a few people come. Invite the whole preschool class. Set up a backyard picnic. When you initiate something low-pressure, you naturally become a hub for connection.

For the Introverted or Socially Anxious Mom

If even reading those tips makes your palms sweat—Rachel gets it. “I was incredibly shy until college,” she shares. “But connection is a skill. And like any skill, it can be learned.”

She recommends starting with small goals: just say hi, just ask one question. And if there’s something deeper getting in your way—like fear of rejection or feeling unworthy—therapy can be a huge support.

“Therapy isn’t just for people in crisis,” Jessica adds. “It’s a tool for helping you reconnect with who you are after becoming a mom.”

You Don’t Need a Soulmate—You Need a Snack Buddy

We put so much pressure on the idea of “mom friends.” But not every connection needs to be a soulmate-level bond. Your story time friend counts. The mom you always see at gymnastics counts. The one who brings you coffee at T-ball practice? Definitely counts.

“These small connections matter. They help you feel seen,” Rachel says. “And over time, they often grow into something deeper.”

How to Handle the In-Groups and Awkward Moments

We’ve all walked into a class where it feels like everyone already knows each other. Rachel suggests observing, then offering a genuine compliment or asking a question.

“You might think they’re best friends,” she says. “But they could’ve only talked twice. Don’t assume you’re not welcome.”

And if the clique vibe really isn’t your scene? Start your own micro-community. There’s always someone else hanging back on the edges.

A Final Reminder: You’re Not the Only One

Motherhood has a way of making us feel like we’re the only ones struggling to make connections. But you’re not alone. Everyone feels a little awkward. Everyone’s waiting for someone to say hi first.

This episode is your permission slip to stop waiting—and start reaching.

“Most people are pretty likable once you get to know them,” Rachel says. “And most moms are looking for connection—just like you.”

🎧 Want the full scoop?

Listen to the episode for more low-pressure ways to connect, shift your mindset, and build a support system that actually fits your life as a mom.

Connect with Rachel Menge: 

Website: mindmadewell.com 

Instagram: @mindmadewell

Resources Mentioned:

• RESOLVE – resolve.org

• Mind Made Well Counseling

TL;DR

Making friends as a mom is hard -- but not impossible. Perinatal therapist Rachel Menge, LCSW, joins Jessica to talk about why new motherhood often leads to social isolation, and what strategies actually help moms find community again. From shifting your mindset to showing up weekly at story time, this episode breaks it down into simple, doable steps—without the pressure to find your “new best friend” on day one.

how to make mom friends

mom friendship tips

motherhood and loneliness

perinatal mental health

mom group anxiety

building your village

intentional parenting community

postpartum friendship shifts

finding connection as a new mom

The Mama Making Podcast Mom podcast, Motherhood Podcast, Motherhood Journey, Postpartum Mental Health, Pregnancy, New Mom Support, Mom Groups, Mom Friends, Friendship Shifts