S3. Ep. 114: Kendra Vargas | Navigating & Finding Peace through Infertility
- Collabs Creative
- Jun 10
- 5 min read
Navigating & Finding Peace through Infertility
On this episode of The Mama Making Podcast, host Jessica Lamb talks with Kendra Vargas, a licensed clinical professional counselor and perinatal mental health-certified therapist. Kendra isn’t just trained in this work — she’s lived it. Her own multi-year journey through unexplained infertility and IVF shaped the practice she now leads: Authentically You Psychotherapy.
Kendra shares how her personal story fuels her passion for reproductive and perinatal mental health and opens up about the realities of starting, navigating, and ultimately choosing to end a fertility journey. This conversation is an honest, compassionate look into an often invisible emotional world.
Building a Practice from Personal Experience
Kendra began her counseling career working with kids and teens — a background that still informs her work with parents today. But her personal experience trying to conceive — a journey that spanned nearly six years — led her to specialize in fertility and perinatal mental health.
“When I started IVF ten years ago, I thought it was just for celebrities,” she shared. “There wasn’t a lot of information or support.”
That lack of representation and community drove her to create the kind of support system she wished she’d had: a practice that centers empathy, validation, and lived experience.
Group Work and the Power of Community
Kendra runs multiple support groups, including one for those in the thick of fertility treatment and another for pregnancy after infertility. Time and again, participants say the same thing: I just want to feel less alone.
“In groups, the shared language and experience provide immediate connection,” she explained. “Even knowing someone else understands the lingo — it makes a huge difference.”
While every story is different, that sense of solidarity eases the anxiety and pressure that so often go unspoken in fertility journeys.
IVF: The First Round
After years of trying and no clear medical explanation, Kendra’s OB referred her to a fertility specialist. IVF wasn’t even on her radar — it felt too expensive, too advanced, too unattainable.
But their insurance covered treatment, and their first round of IVF worked.
“We were lucky. I didn’t even know how much so at the time,” she said. Her daughter, now 9, was born from that cycle.
At the time, she hadn’t pursued genetic testing — a choice that would later shape her second IVF experience.
The Second Time Around
Years later, Kendra and her husband decided to try again. But everything felt different. She knew too much — about protocols, statistics, and risks. COVID restrictions made it even harder. Days before their scheduled embryo transfer, Kendra got COVID and the cycle was canceled.
“It was devastating. I had done all the prep, all the shots, and had to start over.”
They tried again, but the transfer didn’t work. And that’s when the harder questions surfaced — Should we keep going? What do we do with the remaining embryos?
When the Journey Ends
Choosing to end a fertility journey is rarely talked about — but it was one of the most emotional decisions Kendra ever made.
“I wasn’t someone who deeply connected to the embryos at first. But when the time came to let them go, I was overwhelmed by grief,” she said.
They had planned to donate them to science, but when that wasn’t possible, they opted to discard them. Even that decision, and the impersonal email that confirmed it, was heartbreaking.
“You don’t realize how many visual reminders you’re surrounded by — the meds, the sharps container, the charts. It all carries weight.”
Yet, on the other side, she felt a shift: “Once we closed the chapter, there was space to breathe. I didn’t realize how much weight it held.”
Supporting the Partner Dynamic
Fertility journeys affect relationships in layered ways. Kendra and her husband, with their logic-meets-emotion dynamic, leaned on communication to stay connected.
He handled logistics. She carried the emotional weight. He was hopeful. She was cautious. “It worked because we kept checking in — and gave each other room to process differently.”
She encourages partners to find meaningful ways to participate — setting up medication, packing snacks, attending appointments when possible. “Even the smallest involvement helps create shared experience and builds connection.”
Choosing to Pause or Pivot
Fertility treatment often moves at breakneck speed. But Kendra emphasizes the power of pause.
“People think once you’re on the train, you can’t stop. But you can. You need space to process and grieve — especially when plans change or doors close.”
Whether that means taking a cycle off, postponing treatment, or grieving a path not taken, giving yourself permission to slow down can be healing in itself.
Advice for Those Just Starting Out
For those newly entering treatment, Kendra recommends:
Do your research: Look at clinic websites, language, and photos. Do you feel represented? Supported?
Interview clinics: Ask about communication, statistics, and staff training.
Find community: Join a support group or connect with others going through it.
Expect highs and lows: Try not to attach to numbers — from egg count to embryo viability.
Take care of your mental health: This is life on top of life — and it’s okay to ask for help.
If You’re Nearing the End
For those deciding to end their fertility journey, Kendra offers this:
Grieve what you thought your family would look like.
Give yourself time to process without rushing to the next solution.
Remember: changing course is not failure.
Connect with others who’ve made similar decisions — you’re not alone.
Whether your journey includes a child or not, Kendra encourages clients to rediscover joy and rebuild their sense of identity outside of fertility.
Kendra’s Resources
Journal: Fertility and Beyond — a prompted journal available on Amazon and Etsy
Support Groups: Fertility support and pregnancy after infertility groups (visit website)
Apps: Mindful IVF for cycle-specific guided meditations
Podcasts: Big Fat Negative
Instagram Accounts: @explainingivf, @fertilityoutloud, @infertility.school
Whether you’re just starting, somewhere in the middle, or deciding how to end your fertility journey, Kendra’s insight is both grounding and empowering — a steady voice for one of the most complex and tender experiences many families will ever face.
TL;DR
Therapist and perinatal mental health expert Kendra Vargas shares her personal IVF journey and how it shaped her clinical work. From starting treatment to deciding to stop, Kendra discusses the grief, community, and mental health support needed through every phase of fertility care.
How to connect with the Kendra:
Website: aypsych.com
The Mama Making Podcast Mom podcast, Motherhood Podcast, Motherhood Journey, Postpartum Mental Health, Pregnancy, New Mom Support fertility, IVF, perinatal mental health, infertility, fertility
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