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S. 3 Ep. 96: Christine Wulbecker | Navigating the NICU: A Journey Through Maternal Mental Health

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Surviving the NICU: Self-Care, Trauma, and Finding Support

The NICU is a place no parent expects to be. Whether your stay is just a few days or stretches into weeks or months, the experience is often overwhelming, emotionally exhausting, and filled with uncertainty. As a NICU mom myself, I understand the rollercoaster of emotions—fear, guilt, anxiety, and love all mixed into one.

In a recent episode of The Mama Making Podcast, I had the opportunity to open up about my own NICU journey, something I’ve rarely spoken about publicly. My guest, licensed therapist Christine Wulbecker, shared her expertise on navigating the NICU experience, processing trauma, and prioritizing self-care—because yes, taking care of yourself is an essential part of taking care of your baby.

Whether you’re currently in the NICU, know someone who is, or are processing your own experience long after discharge, I hope this conversation provides comfort, validation, and tools for healing.


The Unspoken Struggles of a NICU Stay

From the moment my baby was admitted to the NICU, I felt like I was in survival mode. Every day revolved around hospital rounds, monitoring beeping machines, and trying to navigate a system that felt so foreign. But the hardest part? The guilt.

I convinced myself that I needed to be by my baby’s side at all times, even at the expense of my own well-being. One day postpartum, I was already walking to the bus to make sure I didn’t miss the first rounds. I barely allowed myself to eat or rest. The idea of stepping away—even for a few minutes—felt impossible.

But looking back, I wish I had given myself more grace. As Christine pointed out, the NICU is already providing round-the-clock care for your baby. Taking an hour to step outside, breathe, or even sit alone with your thoughts is not neglect—it’s necessary.


The Guilt of Leaving

Many NICU parents struggle with the idea of leaving, even for a short break. I remember feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt just thinking about going home for a shower or taking a short nap. I worried that if something happened while I was gone, I’d never forgive myself.

Christine reassured me that this is a common feeling among NICU parents, but it’s important to reframe it: Your baby is receiving excellent care, and stepping away does not make you any less of a parent.

"You have to ask yourself—what does being there 24/7 do for you? Does it actually allow you to show up fully, or does it wear you down to the point where you can’t be present in the way your baby needs?" she said.

That really resonated with me. I spent so much time physically in the NICU, but mentally, I was drowning. Had I taken even small moments for myself, I might have been in a better place emotionally when my baby finally came home.


Giving Yourself Permission to Take Care of You

Many NICU parents struggle with the idea of self-care. How could I justify taking care of myself when my baby was hooked up to machines? The idea of doing something for me—like getting my swollen feet rubbed at the nail salon next to the hospital—felt almost wrong.

But Christine emphasized something crucial: self-care is not a luxury. It’s a necessity.

“Allowing yourself the grace to do those things—like stepping away for an hour—is actually being helpful,” she said. “Because when you finally bring your baby home, you’re going to need the strength to care for them.”


What Self-Care Looks Like in the NICU

Self-care in the NICU doesn’t have to be elaborate or time-consuming. It can be small, meaningful acts that help keep you grounded. Some things that helped me during my NICU stay were:

  • Journaling – Writing down my thoughts, even if they were just scribbles of frustration or exhaustion, gave me an outlet.

  • Listening to music or podcasts – Sometimes I just needed to escape mentally for a little bit.

  • Taking short walks outside – Even five minutes of fresh air made a difference.

  • Connecting with other NICU parents – A simple conversation with another mom in the hospital helped me feel less alone.

  • Allowing myself to cry – This one was huge. I held so much inside, but when I let myself cry, it was like releasing a weight.

And if you need permission to take care of yourself? Consider this it.


Processing NICU Trauma: Why It Matters

No matter how short or long your NICU stay is, it leaves an imprint. Many parents, myself included, come out of the experience not fully realizing the emotional weight they’re carrying.

At first, I assumed I was fine. I had a therapist I saw once a month, and I figured that was enough. But as time went on, I started realizing how much I had buried. It wasn’t until I connected with a birth trauma specialist that I truly understood how deeply my experience had affected me.

“I’m a why person,” I told Christine. “I needed to understand why I felt the way I did. And having a professional validate my emotions made all the difference.”

Christine shared that therapy doesn’t have to be immediate, but it’s important to process the experience at some point. Many parents suppress their emotions, only for them to surface months or even years later.


NICU Parents Are Still Parents

One of the biggest challenges in the NICU is feeling like a visitor rather than a parent. It’s easy to feel helpless when nurses and doctors are the primary caregivers. But as Christine reminded me, you are still parenting—even in those tiny moments.

“Singing to your baby, talking to them, putting them in a silly hat—those little things help create connection,” she said. “Even if all you can do is sit beside them and hold their hand, that’s enough.”

For parents who can’t be in the NICU full-time—whether due to work or other responsibilities—FaceTime, photos, and small rituals can help bridge the gap. And if some days, all you can do is get through the day? That’s okay too.


When (and Why) to Seek Support

After discharge, the NICU experience doesn’t magically end. Many parents, myself included, have follow-up appointments, lingering anxiety, or even PTSD-like symptoms.

Christine stressed that there’s no right timeline for seeking support. Some parents reach out immediately, while others wait months or years. But if you’re wondering, is this important enough to talk about? The answer is yes.

“If you need permission to seek help, here it is,” Christine said. “You don’t have to wait until things feel unbearable. You deserve support, no matter what.”


Final Thoughts: You Are Not Alone

If you’re currently in the NICU, recently discharged, or processing a past experience, I want you to know this: You are not alone. The NICU is an incredibly tough and emotional journey, but you don’t have to carry the weight of it forever.

Give yourself grace. Take care of yourself. And when you’re ready, seek support.

And if no one has told you this today—you are an amazing parent.

💛 For more conversations like this, tune in to The Mama Making Podcast every Tuesday. If you need support, check out Emilie Counseling or other birth trauma resources in your area.


TL;DR

In this episode of The Mama Making Podcast, I sit down with Christine Wulbecker, a licensed clinical social worker, to discuss the intersection of the NICU experience and mental health. Christine shares her personal NICU journey and sheds light on the emotional challenges faced by families during a NICU stay.

They explore the importance of strong support systems, self-care strategies for parents, and the lasting impact of trauma on families. Christine emphasizes the need for mental health support, the power of processing difficult experiences, and why seeking help is essential for NICU parents navigating this journey.


How to connect with the guest:



 Mom podcast, Motherhood Podcast, Motherhood Journey, Postpartum Mental Health, Pregnancy, New Mom Support NICU, maternal mental health, postpartum support, trauma, self-care, parenting, mental health counseling, birth workers, emotional support


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